1 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,200 I don't know why. I've always been big on happy endings. 2 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,200 To me, the most romantic, beautiful love stories... 3 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,000 ...were the ones where two people meet, fall in love... 4 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,000 ...then 50, 60 years later one of them dies. 5 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:27,300 A few days after, the other one dies... 6 00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:30,300 ...because they just can't live without each other. 7 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:35,600 Not that that's such a happy ending. You got two dead people. 8 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,600 That's how I thought things would be for Katie and me. 9 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,400 Not that we'd be dead, but that we would be together forever. 10 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,900 Now, High/Low. Who wants to go first? Erin? 11 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:54,600 Okay, my high today is that I sat next to Austin Butler at lunch. 12 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,900 - Nice. - He has the three-legged dog? 13 00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:00,300 Joel has the three-legged dog. Austin has the snoring turtle. 14 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,800 And your low? 15 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,000 - Camp. What about camp? 16 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,400 I don't know. 17 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,800 You had such a good time last year. 18 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,500 - I know. What is it? 19 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,700 Are you afraid you'll lose touch with Austin? 20 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,000 - I don't know. You can write to each other. 21 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:21,200 You can put X's and O's on there. Guys love that, right? 22 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,200 Can't get enough of it. 23 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,100 Honey, you'll have a great time. 24 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,700 What about you? What was your high today? 25 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,200 Gary Ellis' mom bought a new juicer... 26 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,600 ...and I went to his house and drank a chicken. 27 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,500 And your low? 28 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,000 I don't have a low. 29 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,700 You gotta have a low. 30 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,000 I've been racking my brain. I do not have a low. 31 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:45,000 We'll enter the chicken smoothie in the high and low category. 32 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,300 How about you, Mama? 33 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,300 I know. It's your anniversary. What are you guys doing tomorrow? 34 00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:55,200 - I'm taking her to a romantic dinner... - Dad's taking me dancing. 35 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,000 ...and possibly some dancing. 36 00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,200 But you're right. That is our high. 37 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,400 I'd love to stick around for your low... 38 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,400 ...but Dodgers are playing Giants. 39 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:04,600 Go. 40 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,300 - Can I go too? - Go. 41 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:19,000 I really don't care what we do tomorrow night. 42 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,300 Even if we're at different restaurants. 43 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:27,100 Just as long as the kids see us leaving together and coming home together. 44 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:35,100 On our first anniversary, I gave Ben a plastic spoon. 45 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,200 You know, the takeout kind from a Chinese restaurant? 46 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,000 It was the one we had used... 47 00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:43,600 ...when we shared our first bowl of won ton soup in the park. 48 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,800 He was afraid he'd lost it... 49 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,100 ...and I remember how his face lit up... 50 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,700 ...when he opened the jewelry box I had wrapped it in. 51 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,400 I keep asking myself: 52 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,800 "When is that moment in a marriage... 53 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:02,300 ...when a spoon becomes just a spoon?" 54 00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:22,400 When I met Katie, I wrote on a comedy show... 55 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,900 ...and she had been hired as a temp. 56 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:29,500 I don't know. It's hard to explain. There was an instant connection... 57 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,200 ...this simpatico. I felt like she just got me. 58 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:37,500 And there is no greater feeling in this world than to feel gotten. 59 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,400 The loudest silences are the ones... 60 00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:44,200 ...filled with everything that's been said... 61 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,100 ...said wrong, said 300 times. 62 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,900 You're not hearing me. 63 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,700 You're so goddamn critical! 64 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,100 It's hard with two kids. I don't need a third. 65 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,600 You're perfect, and I've done nothing right in 15 years! 66 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,000 You're not listening! 67 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,700 You can't let go of anything! 68 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,100 You never listen! 69 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,900 You hold on to every thing! 70 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,100 Why should you be responsible for anything?! 71 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,400 You're critical of every fucking thing! 72 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,600 I take care of everything here. 73 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:10,900 - Fine! - Fine! 74 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,400 - Fine! - Fine! 75 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:17,300 Until fighting becomes the condition rather than the exception. 76 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:21,400 And suddenly, it turns into the language of the relationship... 77 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:26,200 ...and your only option is a silent retreat to neutral corners. 78 00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,200 Okay, are you a person? Yes. 79 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,600 Are you a man? 80 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,800 - That's debatable. - Debatable? 81 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,900 - Do you have a mustache? - A thick one. 82 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,400 - Aunt Rose. - Right. 83 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,700 Good old Aunt "5:00 Shadow" Rose. 84 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,000 God, it's almost 9. We're gonna miss the camp bus. 85 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,300 Now, that is what I call a mobile home. 86 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,200 Can you get around it? It's 5 to 9! 87 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,600 - They must change their zip code a lot. - It happens as we speak. 88 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:59,400 Look. 91604. 91604. 89 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,100 91605! 90 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,600 - Pass it. - Their mailman must go crazy. 91 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,900 The kids will miss their bus. 92 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,600 Up on the second floor! Somebody's about to use the bathroom! 93 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,900 We're in the line of fire! 94 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,900 Would you just pass the goddamn house?! 95 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,000 Look, the house is making a right. 96 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,700 When I was in college, we had to write a term paper. 97 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,500 It was for some philosophy course I was taking... 98 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:37,100 ...on any book we considered... 99 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,800 ...to be the one that best depicted how we viewed the world. 100 00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:44,400 I remember some people picking books by the great thinkers... 101 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,400 ...like Kierkegaard and Plato. Some kids chose the Bible. 102 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:52,200 I did my paper on Harold and the Purple Crayon. 103 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,900 It's a small book about a little boy... 104 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,000 ...who draws the world the way he wants it to be... 105 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,000 ...with his magic crayon. 106 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:03,700 And I just loved that book because... 107 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,700 ...it was about everything that I wasn't. 108 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,700 You wanna write crossword puzzles? 109 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,100 That's a job somebody wants to do? 110 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,900 - Yes. - And you'd get paid to do this? 111 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,800 So you know stuff like Ra is the sun god. 112 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:24,000 And the symbol for radium and the abbreviation for regular army. 113 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,500 Should I be impressed or terrified? 114 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,600 I find it soothing and reassuring... 115 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,200 ...because you know there are always answers. 116 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,300 Yeah, but not to the really big questions like: 117 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,100 "Does God exist?" "What is the meaning of life?" 118 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,800 "Why does my pee smell funny when I eat asparagus?" 119 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,400 Aspartic acid, hence the name. 120 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,900 And this soothes you? 121 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:51,000 Yes, since you'll never find the answers to the big questions... 122 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,800 ...there's a comfort in finding the answers to the little ones. 123 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,100 When you finish, there's this... 124 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,300 ...wonderful sense of closure, knowing... 125 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:04,300 ...that that little world on that half-page is complete. 126 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,800 You left yourself wide open. 127 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,800 Come to Papa! 128 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,000 But the problem in a marriage is... 129 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:24,300 ...if one person is always Harold, drawing the world the way they want... 130 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:29,200 ...the other person has no choice but to draw it the way it is. 131 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,800 Which is why they never wrote a book about Harold's wife. 132 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,800 - They're leaving! - They're not! 133 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,400 Grab your bags! 134 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:42,800 Wait! Wait! 135 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:44,800 Hold it! 136 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,500 Two more coming! 137 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:50,200 - Thank you, Marty. - No problem. 138 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,700 I love you. Have a great time. 139 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,600 All right, kid. Bye, Dad. 140 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,700 Take your sister's bag. Have a great time. 141 00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,400 Love you. 142 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,600 I love you. I love you. 143 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,300 - Bye. - Bye, honey. 144 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,700 Okay. 145 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:03,800 If you need me for anything, I'll be at the Oceana. 146 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,500 Anything comes up with the kids, give me a call. 147 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,300 Of course. 148 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,800 Isn't this the moment where one of us says: 149 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,300 "This is ridiculous. We love each other. 150 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,700 All couples go through this. Let's give it another try"? 151 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,300 My ass was on television this morning. 152 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:49,900 What are you telling us? 153 00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:52,100 I'm telling you, my ass was on TV. 154 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,200 That's right. That was that special. 155 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,500 "The Kennedy Center Salutes 50 Years of Stan's Ass." 156 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,000 I went to the doctor, he took a tube with a little camera on it... 157 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:05,100 ...stuck it up my ass and we watched it on a monitor in his office. 158 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,400 - You had a sigmoidoscopy. - Exactly. 159 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,000 That's different than your ass being on TV. 160 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,000 - How? First of all... 161 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,000 ...a network can't cancel your ass. 162 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,600 Point well taken. 163 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,400 What demographics do you hope to knock down... 164 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,800 ...with that big crack winking at you? 165 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,500 We're in public. Can we elevate the level of conversation? 166 00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,100 - Fine with me. - Good. 167 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,800 I jerked off to your secretary. Do you mind? 168 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,800 - Why should I mind? I don't know. 169 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,200 I wanna forge ahead with a clear conscience. 170 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,600 Pound away. 171 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,200 You're a good friend. 172 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,900 Larry wanted to have sex last night. He even gave me the 30-second massage. 173 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,800 You mean the "I really care that you had a bad day" back rub... 174 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,300 ...that stops just before you relax... 175 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,300 ...then quickly heads south towards the promised land? 176 00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:51,900 So did you make love? 177 00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:54,700 - I was too tired. How'd you get out of it? 178 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,200 I pretended to fall asleep during the massage. 179 00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,000 I did that heavy breathing thing. 180 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,100 So he thinks you're in deep REM? 181 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,100 But it backfired because when I really fell asleep... 182 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,800 ...the baby started crying, then Larry pretended he was asleep. 183 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,500 Fool! If he had just gotten up with the baby, you would've... 184 00:14:11,900 --> 00:14:15,300 ...opened the gates and welcomed the troops home for Christmas. 185 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,900 In a heartbeat. 186 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,900 What's up with you and Charlene? 187 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,300 Oh, we had a great night last night. 188 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,900 And you still claim you're not cheating? 189 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,300 I maintain that with every fiber of my being. 190 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,000 On-line sex isn't cheating. 191 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,400 How do you figure? 192 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,600 It's 3 a. m., your wife and kids are sleeping upstairs... 193 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,900 ...and you're downstairs fucking some bimbo in cyberspace. 194 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,600 First of all, we're not fucking. We're typing. 195 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,200 Second, and this is me taking umbrage... 196 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,900 ...Charlene is not some bimbo. 197 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,900 She's a stockbroker named Ralph... 198 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,300 ...pretending to be some bimbo named Charlene. 199 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,400 Why piss on something so beautiful? 200 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,400 What'd I say? 201 00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:54,800 It's not an affair. 202 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,700 Teresa never had sex with him. They just kissed. 203 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,000 - A kiss is an affair. - You think so? 204 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,200 Absolutely. 205 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:06,000 Once you establish anything truly intimate with another person... 206 00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,900 ...even talking... 207 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,400 ...it affects the person you're the most intimate with. 208 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:15,200 But Teresa could fuck her husband, she just couldn't kiss him. 209 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,100 I mean, really kiss him. 210 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,600 It's not so crazy. 211 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,300 Sometimes I'm so angry at Stan, I could fuck him... 212 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:23,500 ...but I don't want that cow tongue near me. 213 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:27,000 A kiss can be so much more intimate than sex. 214 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,800 Why is that? 215 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,200 Because fucking means "Yeah, I love you." But a kiss... 216 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,800 A kiss means "I like you." 217 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,700 That's so right. 218 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:42,500 I haven't made out, I mean, really made out with Larry for years. 219 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,400 Doesn't that make you sad? 220 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,300 Not really. 221 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:48,500 Why? 222 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:50,700 I don't know. 223 00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:54,100 Because it's inevitable. It's the wear and tear of the job. 224 00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,700 The diapers, the tantrums, the homework. 225 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,400 The kingdom, species, your mom, his mom. 226 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,800 Suddenly, all you're aware of is, the wet towels on the floor... 227 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,800 ...he hogs the remote, and he scratches his back with a fork. 228 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,700 And you come face to face with the truth that it's impossible... 229 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,600 ...to kiss a person who leaves the new roll of toilet paper... 230 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,900 ...on top of the empty cardboard roll! 231 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,700 God forbid he takes the two seconds to actually replace it! 232 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,500 Does he not see it?! 233 00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:26,100 I'm telling you, marriage is the Jack Kevorkian of romance. 234 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,900 Oh, God! 235 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:35,800 Jesus! Shit! 236 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,900 He hit me! I didn't! 237 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,700 I was leaving the room, she stood in my way. 238 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,000 - He did it on purpose. - Guys, hold on! 239 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,200 Hello? 240 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:46,600 Ben? What?! 241 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,600 Katie, you won't believe what I'm standing in front of. 242 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,100 They're tearing down our old apartment. 243 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,600 - What? - See?! 244 00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:57,200 Josh, did you hit her? 245 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,900 She started it! 246 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,400 I told her never to come in my room without asking. 247 00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,500 It's heading for Mrs. Gutierrez's. 248 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,100 There goes her window! 249 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,300 You borrowed her Discman without asking?! 250 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,500 Yeah, but she was done with it. 251 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,100 She hasn't used the Discman in two days! 252 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:17,000 Just hit Jack Roikman's place. Remember his patriotic orgasms? 253 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:20,700 "God bless America! God bless America! Land that I love!" 254 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:22,700 Can't you let him use yours? 255 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,700 No! He never lets me use it! 256 00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:27,600 Ben, I can't talk right now. 257 00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:31,500 This is where you and I started. This is where we became an "us." 258 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,900 Just hit where we used to measure the kids' heights. 259 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,800 Ben, I- Josh, you shouldn't have hit your sister. No TV for a week. 260 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,400 You're so unfair! 261 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:42,900 Wait until I tell Dad! 262 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,000 Jesus Christ! I gotta go! Are you okay? 263 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,500 Katie! 264 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,200 Katie! 265 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,600 Goddamn it! 266 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,500 Fantasizing isn't cheating? 267 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,700 Oh, please! Who is getting hurt? 268 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,600 Yesterday, I met this stunning blond woman... 269 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,100 ...at the Beverly Center food court. 270 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,100 She had a little ring in the bellybutton. 271 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,900 But you know what? 272 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,100 I forgave her because it wasn't in her eyebrow or tongue. 273 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,100 Beautiful. We start chatting... 274 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,600 ...and we strike up a conversation, waiting for our turkey. 275 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,600 I'm telling you, she's smiling, I'm smiling... 276 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,900 ...and just that 30-second encounter... 277 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,800 ...will do wonders for me when I'm shaking hands with the sheriff. 278 00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,100 I know exactly what you're talking about. 279 00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,400 - Am I wrong? - No, you're right! 280 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,700 The other day, I told a joke to this intriguing woman... 281 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,700 ...that I met at the cleaners. 282 00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,500 If this were the '30s, she'd be a Communist... 283 00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,800 ...or at least a Communist sympathizer. 284 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,400 But the point is, the way she laughed at that joke... 285 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:48,300 ...reminded me of how Rachel used to laugh at my jokes. 286 00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,400 You gonna follow up? 287 00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:51,900 I could never do that. 288 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:56,200 I think the Ten Commandments were probably a lot easier to stick to... 289 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,300 ...when you dropped dead at 35. 290 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,700 I mean, we- They should be amended. 291 00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,100 A little amendment, like the Constitution. 292 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:07,200 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, wife or ass. 293 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,300 But if you have to covet your neighbor's wife's ass... 294 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,700 ...don't do it in thy neighbor's house." 295 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,600 A simple amendment, two-thirds majority, slide through both Houses. 296 00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:21,600 Seriously, name me one guy you know who's never cheated on his wife. 297 00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,400 I wasn't cheating! 298 00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:27,700 I walk into your office, and I hear you telling some Sara... 299 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,300 ...intimate details about our relationship, about our problems. 300 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,800 Obviously there's something going on between you and her. 301 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,000 Nothing is going on between us! We were just talking! 302 00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,300 About us?! About our life?! 303 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,400 We were just talking! 304 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,400 That's not talking! That's a relationship! 305 00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:49,600 Why didn't you tell me about her if there's nothing to hide? 306 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:52,000 I just needed somebody to talk to! 307 00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:55,500 Bullshit! Why didn't you talk to me?! 308 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,600 Mommy, I need a drink of water! 309 00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,800 I'll be right there! 310 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,100 You wanna know why I don't talk to you? 311 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,900 You treat me like I'm a big pain in the ass that gets in the way... 312 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,400 ...of what otherwise would be a normal, organized life! 313 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,100 Have you ever thought that everything isn't always about you? 314 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:18,100 Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing with 5000 things all day long! 315 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,300 Maybe every need you have doesn't have to be met... 316 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,900 ...at the exact moment you need it to be met! 317 00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:27,800 God, we have actual kids here, Ben. 318 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,100 I am not a third child! 319 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,200 I am not talking about having each of my needs met! 320 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,200 I'm talking about a connection! 321 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:39,600 A look! Something that says that we're on the same side here! 322 00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,200 Why don't you talk to your girlfriend? 323 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:45,600 I'm sure she can help us get back on the same side. 324 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:57,100 To have a happy marriage is to accept the chasm between men and women. 325 00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:58,500 Which is? 326 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,600 He can mend a fight with sex. 327 00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:03,100 She can't have sex until the fight's resolved. 328 00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:04,600 Why is that? 329 00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:07,300 It's the difference between the penis and the vagina. 330 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:11,300 A penis is a thruster, a battering ram, if you will. 331 00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:14,600 Even if it's mad, it can ram. Sometimes it even helps. 332 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,400 It's the "mad-ram principle." However, the vagina... 333 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:18,900 The vagina! 334 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:24,800 The vagina has to be relaxed in order to open and receive. 335 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,700 It can't be a gracious hostess in a state of anger. 336 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,000 That goes for blowjobs and kissing too. 337 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:34,900 Every female point of entry needs to know that the penis is coming... 338 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:36,800 ...in peace. 339 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,200 - Do you have Sweet'N Low? Is Equal okay? 340 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:40,600 Whatever. 341 00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:49,100 I've always felt no matter what we were going through... 342 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,100 ...no matter how painful things got... 343 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,600 ...if our feet found each other under the blankets... 344 00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:55,900 ...even just the slightest connection... 345 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,900 ...it'd tell us we'd entered the demilitarized zone... 346 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:02,800 ...that we were gonna be okay, that we were still an "us." 347 00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:08,700 There are some hurts that you never completely get over. 348 00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:13,000 And you think that time will diminish their presence... 349 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,500 ...and to a degree it does... 350 00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:18,600 ...but it still hurts because, well... 351 00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,100 ...hurt hurts. 352 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,200 If you lose your room key... 353 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,200 ...contact the front desk. 354 00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:33,700 And if you've got valuables, keep them in the hotel safe. 355 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:35,500 It's complimentary. 356 00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:38,400 For family dining, how about a pizza poolside... 357 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:41,000 ...from our Wolfgang Puck Caf�? 358 00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:44,000 Then it's a quick walk to the Santa Monica Pier and beach. 359 00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:48,400 When the kids are acting up, the waves will set them straight. 360 00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:06,400 The Patriot is proof positive... 361 00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:08,700 ...that missile defense works. 362 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,300 As we've been taught by Saddam Hussein... 363 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,700 Something about how that man says "Saddam" makes me want you even more. 364 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,700 Oh, my God! 365 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,400 - The tooth fairy. - Where? 366 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:35,800 Josh's tooth. We forgot to put money under his pillow. 367 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,200 Josh is asleep. I'm sure this can wait a few minutes. 368 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:42,100 No, no, baby, we might forget later. 369 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,300 Who goes? 370 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,500 Rock, paper, scissors! 371 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,000 Shit! 372 00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:56,900 Mr. President, I'm entrusting you with my soon-to-be-naked wife. 373 00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:58,900 Take care of her, the country. 374 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,900 My love to Barbara. 375 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,800 I'll be right back. 376 00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:04,200 - Ben! - What? 377 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,700 I'll be right back! 378 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,400 Everything that's important in the world is in this bed right now. 379 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,700 I love you. 380 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,400 I love you. 381 00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:51,500 You've reached the home of Jordan, Jordan, Jordan and Jordan. 382 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,600 Nary a Jordan is present now. 383 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:56,700 If you wanna leave a message for Katie, Ben, Josh or Erin... 384 00:25:57,100 --> 00:25:59,400 ...what better time than... 385 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,800 Hi, it's me. 386 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,800 I'm just calling to see how the kids are doing. 387 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,400 See if you got any post cards from them. 388 00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:12,500 Anything comes up, you can give me a call. 389 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,600 Bye-bye. 390 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:33,600 - Hello? - Hi. 391 00:26:33,900 --> 00:26:34,800 Hi. 392 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:40,000 Listen, I just got your message. I was in the shower when you called. 393 00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,400 The kids seem to be doing really well. 394 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,100 I just put the post cards in an envelope. 395 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:49,200 You should be getting them tomorrow. 396 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:50,600 Good. 397 00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:54,200 You okay? 398 00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:57,300 Yeah, I'm okay. You okay? 399 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,500 Yeah, I'm okay. 400 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,700 Okay. 401 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:07,900 Bye. 402 00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:11,100 Bye. 403 00:27:49,900 --> 00:27:50,700 Hello? 404 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:53,200 It's me. 405 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:55,600 Hi. 406 00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,300 How are you? 407 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,600 I'm good. Yeah, really good. 408 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,000 Good. 409 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:04,600 What's up? 410 00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:07,300 What's up? 411 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:08,700 Oh... 412 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,400 I was thinking about the upstairs bathroom, and I wanted to remind you... 413 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,000 ...to schedule that guy to recaulk the tub. 414 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:19,300 I've already done it. 415 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:20,600 Oh. 416 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:22,700 Well. 417 00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:24,200 Good. 418 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,400 Okay... 419 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,900 Then... 420 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:32,300 ...bye. 421 00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:34,200 Bye. 422 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:50,400 Hello? 423 00:28:50,900 --> 00:28:55,000 I'm calling to see if you remember the name of that tree surgeon we used. 424 00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:56,600 Joey Bishop. 425 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,100 Yeah, but no. 426 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,100 - But it was one of those Rat Pack guys. - Right. 427 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:03,300 Frank Sinatra? 428 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,500 Dean Martin? 429 00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:07,100 Sammy Davis Jr.? 430 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,700 That's it! Joey Davis Jr. 431 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,400 Joey Davis Jr., the tree surgeon. 432 00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:15,500 I can still see the sign on that blue truck of his. 433 00:29:15,900 --> 00:29:18,400 Right. Okay, thanks. 434 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,400 Okay. 435 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:22,200 Bye. 436 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,500 Listen, your shirts came back from the cleaners. 437 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:31,000 Cool. I'll come by and get them. 438 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,000 I can drop them off. 439 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,900 It's fine. I'll be happy to come and get them. 440 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:37,700 What would be a good time? 441 00:29:38,900 --> 00:29:40,200 I don't know... 442 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,200 Why don't you come over tomorrow? I'll be home by 7. 443 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:45,000 You can stay for dinner. 444 00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:47,200 You sure? 445 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,100 No. 446 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,300 Okay. 447 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,200 See you tomorrow. 448 00:31:59,100 --> 00:31:59,900 Hi. 449 00:32:00,900 --> 00:32:02,000 Hi. 450 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:06,900 You look like... 451 00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:08,900 ...like you. 452 00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:13,000 You too. 453 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:24,300 I guess I could stand on the porch all night. I've seen the house. 454 00:32:24,700 --> 00:32:28,700 How many times have we said, "We should use this porch more often"? 455 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,600 Come in. My house is literally your house. 456 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:33,800 Thank you. 457 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,000 - There's my dry cleaning. - Yeah, I left it out for you. 458 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,900 Good. I'll remember to take it with me. 459 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,700 Because I could put it in the closet, but I- 460 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,000 No, no. 461 00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:51,700 That is perfect dry cleaning placement. 462 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,600 - You want a drink? - You want something-? 463 00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,800 - Want some wine? - Yeah. 464 00:33:00,100 --> 00:33:02,000 I think I remember where it is. 465 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,400 - If memory serves, you like red wine. - Right. 466 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,900 Yeah, it's all coming back to me. 467 00:33:10,700 --> 00:33:13,300 Wine is breathing a lot better than I am. 468 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:18,400 So, hey... 469 00:33:18,700 --> 00:33:21,300 You'll never believe what I did last night. 470 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,900 I attempted to do one of your crosswords. 471 00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:26,400 - No. - Yes. 472 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:28,000 I have a question. 473 00:33:28,500 --> 00:33:31,300 What was 3 down? Just couldn't get it. 474 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,600 Four letters, "Feeling of psychological discomfort." 475 00:33:35,700 --> 00:33:36,800 Blah. 476 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,500 Blah. 477 00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:43,400 Cheers. 478 00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:44,900 Cheers. 479 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,500 Was this always here? 480 00:33:58,900 --> 00:34:01,000 No, I bought it last week. 481 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,300 Any other new appliances I should know about? 482 00:34:07,100 --> 00:34:09,800 Well, as long as we're spilling our guts here... 483 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,900 ...I also got this new garlic press. 484 00:34:13,500 --> 00:34:17,000 The body's not even cold, and she's out buying garlic presses. 485 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,300 How do you think the kids are? 486 00:34:31,700 --> 00:34:34,100 From the cards, it sounds like they're good. 487 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,600 I think Erin misses us, but she's okay. 488 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,100 Yeah. She seems okay. 489 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:40,800 You think she's okay? 490 00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:42,600 I think she's okay. 491 00:34:42,900 --> 00:34:45,700 Because I think she senses that we're not okay... 492 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,900 ...and Parents' Weekend is coming. 493 00:34:51,300 --> 00:34:53,300 We'll just have to give her... 494 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,900 ...a lot of extra attention... 495 00:34:56,300 --> 00:34:57,600 ...and really love her up. 496 00:34:58,500 --> 00:34:59,600 Yeah. 497 00:35:08,700 --> 00:35:09,600 Should we eat? 498 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,400 Yeah, I could eat. 499 00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:17,300 This is really good. 500 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:18,700 Thanks. 501 00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:23,500 High/Low? 502 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:24,800 Sure. 503 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:26,600 Your high? 504 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:28,900 - Honestly? - Yeah. 505 00:35:30,500 --> 00:35:31,600 Right now. 506 00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:34,900 And your low? 507 00:35:37,100 --> 00:35:39,500 Every minute of the last two weeks. 508 00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:42,500 How about you? 509 00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:49,300 My high would have to be the Cuisinart because I wanted it ever so badly. 510 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:50,900 And your low? 511 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,900 The garlic press. It's not nearly as handy as I thought it'd be. 512 00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:59,600 I lay myself open, and you mock me with kitchenware. 513 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,900 All the while making me more attractive to you. 514 00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:06,400 Is that your intention? 515 00:36:11,500 --> 00:36:13,100 I'm not sure. 516 00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,500 Well... 517 00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:17,600 It's working. 518 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,800 It looks like I haven't been doing too much reading. 519 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,700 Okay, I'm ready. How about you? 520 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,500 - I... - What? 521 00:37:01,700 --> 00:37:03,800 Come on. Remember what Dr. Tischner said: 522 00:37:04,100 --> 00:37:07,500 "If you had it once, you can always get it back." 523 00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:12,000 Was that Dr. Tischner or was that Dr. Hopkins? 524 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:13,800 Hopkins? 525 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:15,700 The one with the sibilant "S." 526 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:16,800 Right. 527 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,800 Wrong. It was a lateral lisp. 528 00:37:21,100 --> 00:37:23,600 Sex is simply a symbolic expression... 529 00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:26,600 ...of the emotional status of a relationship. 530 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:32,000 Sustained lack of sex is symptomatic of disassociation. 531 00:37:32,700 --> 00:37:35,400 No, the one with the lateral lisp was Dr. Rifkin. 532 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:39,700 Dr. Hopkins was the one with the Rorschach birthmark on his forehead. 533 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,600 It looked like California. How could you pay attention to what he said? 534 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,800 This cycle of closeness, then estrangement... 535 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:48,700 ...you've both told me about... 536 00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:52,100 ...what instigates it? First thing that comes to your mind. 537 00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:54,500 - Sacramento. - Governor Gray Davis. 538 00:37:55,100 --> 00:37:59,500 My personal favorite was the Freudian with the prostate problem. 539 00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:02,300 When two people go to bed... 540 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,900 ...there are actually six people in that bed. 541 00:38:07,100 --> 00:38:08,600 If you'll excuse me. 542 00:38:11,300 --> 00:38:13,300 Are we allowed to talk when he's gone? 543 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,200 I don't know. 544 00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:17,500 What do you think? 545 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,100 To be on the safe side, maybe we better not. 546 00:38:28,100 --> 00:38:30,700 The six people in bed are the two of you... 547 00:38:31,300 --> 00:38:34,300 ...and your parents and your parents. 548 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:37,700 Now, the key is... 549 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,000 Will you excuse me, please? 550 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,200 He charged us for the full session. 551 00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:49,000 The man was peeing on our time! 552 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,900 All that therapy was a waste of time and money. 553 00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:58,000 Where did all that therapy really get us? 554 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:00,700 It got us here, laughing about it. 555 00:39:01,100 --> 00:39:04,600 - He's right. - Once it's broken, it can't be fixed. 556 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,100 - I don't know. - The queen has spoken. 557 00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:10,300 - Maybe it's too soon. - What are you talking about? 558 00:39:10,700 --> 00:39:14,900 The whole point of having a fight is playing "hide the salami" afterwards. 559 00:39:16,100 --> 00:39:19,100 Let hard times bring you together. Nobody said it'd be easy. 560 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,700 Can't hard times bring us together? Nobody said it'd be easy. 561 00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:25,800 Like the Andrews Sisters. After "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy"... 562 00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:28,100 ...before "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree." 563 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,100 Big career slump there. 564 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,100 Like the Andrews Sisters before "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree." 565 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:34,800 The Andrews Sisters? 566 00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:37,000 They didn't stop because of a few flops. 567 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,400 They hung in there. The rest is history. 568 00:39:39,700 --> 00:39:41,600 Don't sit under the apple tree 569 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,000 Why are you bringing up the Andrews Sisters now? 570 00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:47,300 - You're singing! - It's an example. 571 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:49,600 They're in trouble, and you're singing? 572 00:39:49,900 --> 00:39:53,600 Dot, put out once in a while. Your face won't be so tight. 573 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:54,800 Slut. 574 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:59,300 I don't know what their career slump has to do with our marital problems. 575 00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,100 What should we do? 576 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,700 Make matters worse by dwelling on every little thing all our lives? 577 00:40:05,100 --> 00:40:07,500 Is that what you think I do? 578 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,000 - You're a child. - I just dwell on everything? 579 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,500 You're a 72-year-old infant! 580 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,400 There are real problems that we haven't even begun to deal with. 581 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,800 Don't you think I know that? What happened to you? 582 00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:22,700 What happened to that fun girl with the pith helmet? 583 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,000 You don't think I ask myself that every day? 584 00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:29,800 You beat her out of me! There's no room here for her! 585 00:40:30,100 --> 00:40:31,400 You think it's all fun and games. 586 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,600 So it's my fault you hang on to every little thing! 587 00:40:34,900 --> 00:40:37,300 It's my fault you can't let go of anything! 588 00:40:38,500 --> 00:40:40,900 It's my fault you turned into your mother?! 589 00:40:41,300 --> 00:40:42,800 Fuck you! 590 00:41:20,900 --> 00:41:22,400 - Katie, you- - No. 591 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:33,100 - I still think that there's a chance- - Ben, you love who we were. 592 00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:36,700 You couldn't possibly love what we've become. 593 00:41:37,900 --> 00:41:39,900 I think I spotted us at dinner tonight. 594 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,700 We can't stay together just because we... 595 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,400 ...get a glimpse of "us" every once in a while. 596 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,000 It was less than 15 minutes ago. 597 00:41:52,100 --> 00:41:55,300 All we proved is, if we're apart for weeks at a time... 598 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,400 ...we might get through a dinner. That's not a marriage. 599 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:06,000 It's over. 600 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,000 A book about your grandmother? 601 00:42:45,300 --> 00:42:47,400 Yeah. She was an extraordinary woman. 602 00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:50,500 I'm sure she was. Did she fuck a President? 603 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:54,600 - No. - No. Did she discover uranium? 604 00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:57,300 A cure for cancer? Nothing like that? 605 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,200 Why would anybody wanna read a book about her? 606 00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,900 She was 4'9". She emigrated from Europe as a little girl. 607 00:43:05,300 --> 00:43:09,300 She worked in a sweatshop making buttonholes 14 hours a day and yet... 608 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,400 ...raised five kids and stayed married to the same man for 57 years. 609 00:43:13,700 --> 00:43:16,600 Dave, this will be the greatest love story ever told. 610 00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:21,200 Let me explain something to you. Not as your agent. 611 00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:23,400 This is as a friend. 612 00:43:27,900 --> 00:43:29,100 Come here. 613 00:43:30,300 --> 00:43:31,800 You see all these people? 614 00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,000 They're getting into buildings. They're driving cars. 615 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,100 They're crossing the street. They're walking around. 616 00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:40,900 Every single one of these people... 617 00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,200 ...is going to die someday... 618 00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:44,900 ...and they all know it. 619 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:47,500 Which is why... 620 00:43:48,300 --> 00:43:51,600 ...they regard the time they have on this planet as precious. 621 00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:54,200 There are things that take up that time... 622 00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:57,400 ...even if they don't enjoy it. They have to go to work. 623 00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,000 They have to get dressed, wait in lines... 624 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,600 ...clean yards, get batteries. 625 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,900 They visit the eye doctor. They're doing all these things. 626 00:44:06,300 --> 00:44:11,000 Now, add that to the time they spend sleeping and eating... 627 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,200 ...and washing up and voting... 628 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,700 ...and buying gifts for people they don't like, and you see... 629 00:44:18,100 --> 00:44:21,700 ...why they're so choosy about how they spend their leisure time. 630 00:44:22,100 --> 00:44:25,200 You can understand why unless she went down on somebody... 631 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:29,100 ...really interesting, they won't waste their valuable time... 632 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,700 ...reading a book about your fucking grandmother! 633 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:38,100 So if I read you right, you don't like the idea. 634 00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:39,600 It's not that. 635 00:44:50,500 --> 00:44:54,200 You know, I find the Ariana much more fragrant than the Raphaela. 636 00:44:56,300 --> 00:44:57,800 I'll keep that in mind. 637 00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,200 - How you doing? - Fine. 638 00:45:00,500 --> 00:45:03,900 I never got a chance to thank you for holding the camp bus. 639 00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,900 Anytime you need a bus held, I am your guy. 640 00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:10,000 - Erin's teeth are looking good. - Thanks to you. 641 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,700 I hope she remembers to wear her retainer. 642 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:14,800 You know how kids are at camp. 643 00:45:15,100 --> 00:45:18,600 The minute my Kevin gets off that bus, it's "Goodbye, biteplate." 644 00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:20,700 Is that for you? 645 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,700 When Deirdre and I divorced, I decided to learn how to cook. 646 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:28,200 The Wok-y World of Thai Cooking? 647 00:45:28,500 --> 00:45:29,700 I'm branching out. 648 00:45:29,900 --> 00:45:32,700 I'm taking a Thai cooking course this summer. 649 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,300 Really? I've always been interested in Asian cooking. 650 00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:37,700 Really? 651 00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:39,500 Why don't you join me? 652 00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:43,900 When I think about it... 653 00:45:44,300 --> 00:45:46,800 ...over the years there were less and less moments... 654 00:45:47,100 --> 00:45:48,500 ...in the course of the day... 655 00:45:48,900 --> 00:45:51,600 ...when Ben and I actually made real eye contact. 656 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,300 - You're not gonna believe- - Shh! 657 00:45:54,700 --> 00:45:57,000 - What? - He's almost asleep. 658 00:45:58,700 --> 00:46:00,600 Maybe it was the stuff of life. 659 00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:02,800 Who's taking Erin to school? 660 00:46:03,500 --> 00:46:06,400 Who will pick up Josh from his clarinet lessons? 661 00:46:07,300 --> 00:46:09,600 After a while, there was a disturbing comfort... 662 00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,900 ...in not having to deal with each other... 663 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,700 ...because somehow you just get used to the disconnection. 664 00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,600 Even at night, when we could finally come together, we faced forward. 665 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,900 Yeah, we were tired, but I think we were afraid... 666 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,500 ...that if we faced each other, there'd be nothing there. 667 00:46:28,100 --> 00:46:30,000 We're learning Mee Krob next week. 668 00:46:30,500 --> 00:46:31,700 Mee Krob. 669 00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,800 I'll let you know. 670 00:46:38,700 --> 00:46:41,300 I'll call you. Oh, you call me. 671 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,400 When we drove to the camp for Parents ' Weekend... 672 00:46:49,700 --> 00:46:51,600 ...I was scared to face the kids. 673 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:56,500 You'd talk about it with a best friend. But Katie had been my best friend. 674 00:46:56,900 --> 00:47:00,900 Now I didn't know what we were, except Josh and Erin's parents. 675 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,000 What? 676 00:47:30,900 --> 00:47:32,200 Nothing. 677 00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:36,700 - is nothing? 678 00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,300 This is not going to be easy. 679 00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,800 The kids do not need to be burdened with our problems. 680 00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:46,800 They have half a summer left. 681 00:47:47,100 --> 00:47:49,800 Like my plan was to burden the kids with our problems. 682 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,300 Jesus Christ, will you give me some fucking credit? 683 00:47:53,700 --> 00:47:55,000 Mom! Dad! 684 00:47:55,900 --> 00:47:56,900 Hey! 685 00:48:00,300 --> 00:48:01,500 I missed you. 686 00:48:01,900 --> 00:48:03,600 I missed you so much. 687 00:48:03,900 --> 00:48:05,500 I missed you both so much. 688 00:48:06,900 --> 00:48:08,600 Dad. Dad. 689 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,500 Dad, pull yourself together. 690 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,000 Dad, get off of me! 691 00:48:14,900 --> 00:48:17,700 You guys both look terrific. Show us your bunks. 692 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,300 I wanna see your bunks too. 693 00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,200 Did you get your favorite room? The Acorn Cabin? 694 00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:24,800 Yeah, we did. 695 00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,200 We got the Acorn Cabin. 696 00:49:14,500 --> 00:49:16,000 God, I hate lying to them. 697 00:49:16,300 --> 00:49:18,900 Me too. We're not even good at it. 698 00:49:19,300 --> 00:49:21,800 Even if we were good at it, they'd still know. 699 00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:46,800 What is that? 700 00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:48,300 What's what? 701 00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,600 - The thing you just put in your mouth. - It's my biteplate. 702 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,000 - Biteplate? - Yeah. It's my biteplate. 703 00:49:55,300 --> 00:49:57,900 - Why do you have a biteplate? - For my bite. 704 00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:00,500 What's wrong with your bite? 705 00:50:01,700 --> 00:50:03,300 It's askew. 706 00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:04,300 Askew? 707 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,200 Yes, it's askew. 708 00:50:06,900 --> 00:50:10,000 So this would be an attempt to de-skew it? 709 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,300 - You order room service? - No. 710 00:50:22,900 --> 00:50:23,700 Erin. 711 00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:24,800 Erin? 712 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,100 What's the matter? Nothing. I'm okay. 713 00:50:27,500 --> 00:50:28,700 Honey, are you okay? 714 00:50:29,100 --> 00:50:30,900 I'm okay. I'm fine. 715 00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,200 I couldn't sleep, so I snuck out after lights out. 716 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,100 I just wanted to sleep with you guys. 717 00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:43,300 It's okay. I'll call the camp and let them know you're here. 718 00:50:43,700 --> 00:50:44,700 Okay. 719 00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:50,700 Why is the bed made up on the couch? 720 00:50:52,700 --> 00:50:56,300 Daddy was doing a little reading, and I didn't wanna wake Mommy up. 721 00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:32,300 Sometimes you just can't climb out of the abyss. 722 00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,300 I thought of last summer, when we still hoped... 723 00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,400 ...that if we put ourselves in some idyllic setting... 724 00:51:38,700 --> 00:51:41,100 ...we'd somehow get rid of all the tension... 725 00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:42,900 ...jump-start our marriage... 726 00:51:43,300 --> 00:51:46,200 ...and rediscover why we fell in love in the first place. 727 00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,700 So last year, after Parents' Weekend... 728 00:51:48,900 --> 00:51:51,500 ...we thought maybe in a trattoria in Venice... 729 00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:55,300 ...looking at a beautiful sunset, next to a bottle of Chianti... 730 00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:58,200 ...we just might find a set of jumper cables. 731 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,800 How you doing? Two Italian ices, please. 732 00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:07,000 Honey, you don't have to say Italian. We're here. They know. 733 00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:11,300 So if I'm in Belgium, and I order a Belgian waffle, I just say waffle? 734 00:52:11,700 --> 00:52:14,700 Like if you were in Ireland and you wanted Irish stew... 735 00:52:15,100 --> 00:52:16,500 ...you'd just say stew. 736 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,200 If you're in China and you want Chinese food... 737 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,200 ...you say, "Bring on the food." 738 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:25,400 We couldn't help but overhear your delightful repartee. 739 00:52:25,900 --> 00:52:28,200 We're the Kirbys from Cleveland. And you are...? 740 00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:30,800 - The Mansons. - From Spawn Ranch. 741 00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:36,000 That's a good one. 742 00:52:52,100 --> 00:52:54,000 Look, right there. The red cape. 743 00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:55,600 I like that. 744 00:52:59,300 --> 00:53:00,900 Hey! 745 00:53:01,500 --> 00:53:02,300 It's you... 746 00:53:02,700 --> 00:53:03,500 ...people. 747 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:06,700 - The Kirbys from Cleveland. - Joanie and Eddie. 748 00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:10,300 How could we forget? We haven't stopped talking about you. 749 00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,700 This is fate. We have to get together, break bread. 750 00:53:14,100 --> 00:53:16,700 Sounds great. We're at the Hotel Pasta e Fagioli. 751 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,200 You call us. We're at the Europa Regina. 752 00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:22,700 Great. We'll call you. 753 00:53:23,100 --> 00:53:24,200 Oh, right on! 754 00:53:26,900 --> 00:53:27,800 Look at this. 755 00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:29,700 This is beautiful. This way. 756 00:53:30,100 --> 00:53:32,100 Thank you. Canal-side seating. 757 00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:33,700 Very nice. 758 00:53:36,300 --> 00:53:38,200 Oh, my God! 759 00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:40,700 Meant to be! 760 00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:43,700 Kismet! Kismet! 761 00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:47,900 We went looking for your hotel, but we couldn't find it anywhere. 762 00:53:48,300 --> 00:53:51,900 - Yeah, it's pretty hard to find. - Well, all's well that ends well. 763 00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:57,700 It was just like fate, the first time I met Joanie. 764 00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:01,400 I worked on the 6th floor, and Eddie worked on the 4th floor. 765 00:54:01,900 --> 00:54:04,000 - Hand to God. - Every day in the cafeteria... 766 00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:06,800 - ... on the 3rd floor- - I saw Joanie at the salad bar. 767 00:54:07,100 --> 00:54:09,400 And she smiled at me. Not just a smile. 768 00:54:09,700 --> 00:54:11,500 I mean, a really big smile. 769 00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,000 One day at the salad bar at Beefsteak Charlie's... 770 00:54:15,300 --> 00:54:17,500 ...I thought I saw her at that salad bar. 771 00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,300 - But it wasn't me. - It wasn't Joanie! 772 00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:25,100 What are the odds of another person at a salad bar looking like Joanie... 773 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:27,200 ...and yet not being Joanie? 774 00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:30,300 What, like a trillion to one? 775 00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,400 Could be higher than that. 776 00:54:32,700 --> 00:54:36,600 Anyway, when I realized it wasn't Joanie, I was so disappointed. 777 00:54:36,900 --> 00:54:40,700 And I began to think about how much I'd hoped that it was Joanie. 778 00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,500 But at this point you still hadn't met. 779 00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:48,300 No. And I couldn't get over how much I wanted this person to be Joanie. 780 00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,500 And I think that was the defining moment. 781 00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:55,000 I went back to my wife at the table at Beefsteak Charlie's... 782 00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,100 ...and I realized I felt more alive thinking about that stranger... 783 00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:03,400 ...I thought was Joanie than I did with the stranger who was my wife. 784 00:55:03,700 --> 00:55:05,800 We were both in marriages we'd outgrown. 785 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,900 You know, maybe I didn't wanna admit it, but maybe... 786 00:55:09,300 --> 00:55:12,800 ...I didn't like myself enough to be with someone who liked me. 787 00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,900 Can you imagine anybody not liking Eddie Kirby? 788 00:55:16,300 --> 00:55:18,200 I'm not so perfect. 789 00:55:18,500 --> 00:55:20,100 Beg to differ! 790 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:25,200 That year we both mustered up enough courage to leave our marriages. 791 00:55:25,700 --> 00:55:27,400 So at this point you had met. 792 00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:28,400 No. 793 00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:29,400 Still hadn't met. 794 00:55:29,700 --> 00:55:34,200 No. But, you know, after you've had such a horrible marriage... 795 00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,400 ...you don't wanna make the same mistakes twice. 796 00:55:37,700 --> 00:55:40,000 So I made an inner pact with myself. 797 00:55:40,300 --> 00:55:43,700 I said, "Eddie, you will never let anger build up to the point... 798 00:55:44,100 --> 00:55:46,000 ...where you don't like your partner." 799 00:55:46,300 --> 00:55:48,600 - I made the same pact. - That became our credo. 800 00:55:48,900 --> 00:55:51,400 "Never go to bed angry." 801 00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,200 So now we talk everything through. 802 00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:58,000 We won't let even the tiniest pea be under our mattress. 803 00:55:58,500 --> 00:56:00,700 That's why we never eat in bed. 804 00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:06,200 Me too. 805 00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,300 Who'd have thought the Kirbys... 806 00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,900 ...the happiest couple never to have met... 807 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:17,000 ...would be the greatest aphrodisiac known to man? 808 00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,400 If only you could bottle that unfettered state of mind... 809 00:56:45,700 --> 00:56:47,700 ...that comes with being on foreign soil... 810 00:56:48,300 --> 00:56:49,600 ...to just hold on to it... 811 00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,400 ...even for a day, an evening... 812 00:56:53,300 --> 00:56:54,500 ...an hour. 813 00:56:55,100 --> 00:56:57,900 Last year, when we got back from Italy, God knows... 814 00:56:58,300 --> 00:57:00,000 ...we gave it a try. 815 00:57:15,100 --> 00:57:16,400 Hey, look at this. 816 00:57:17,100 --> 00:57:21,100 While we were away, we got a message from His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. 817 00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:25,000 About a softball team he's getting started. 818 00:57:26,900 --> 00:57:30,500 You wanna write a letter to the kids together, let them know we're back? 819 00:57:36,100 --> 00:57:38,800 "Dear Josh... 820 00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:40,900 ...and Erin." 821 00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:44,200 Oh, sure. You get the easy part. 822 00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:48,900 "We're... 823 00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:51,500 ...back." 824 00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:56,400 "From... 825 00:57:57,300 --> 00:57:58,400 ...Europe." 826 00:57:59,500 --> 00:58:01,900 That's not a sentence. It's a preposition and a continent. 827 00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:04,400 I crossed out your period and made a sentence. 828 00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,700 See? "We're back from Europe." Your turn. 829 00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:09,100 Thank you. 830 00:58:10,100 --> 00:58:13,800 Exclamation point. Comma. Close parentheses. 831 00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:16,100 "But I... 832 00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:18,700 ...don't want to talk... 833 00:58:19,100 --> 00:58:21,300 ...about grammar." 834 00:58:21,700 --> 00:58:25,900 Colon. "I want to... 835 00:58:26,900 --> 00:58:28,900 ...make love to... 836 00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:31,200 ...your mother." 837 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,900 No, you didn't write that. 838 00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:37,300 Ben! 839 00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,500 What? I do. I want to. 840 00:58:40,900 --> 00:58:42,600 After we finish the letter. 841 00:58:42,900 --> 00:58:46,800 No, let's make love right now. Then we write the letter. 842 00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:50,400 Come on, we only had a couple of sentences to go. 843 00:58:50,700 --> 00:58:53,700 In Europe, you would've made love first. 844 00:58:54,900 --> 00:58:57,400 - What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing. 845 00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:00,300 - That I'm not spontaneous? - I'm not saying that. 846 00:59:00,600 --> 00:59:02,200 But that's what you implied. 847 00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:04,700 That in Europe I'd have made love, but here- 848 00:59:05,100 --> 00:59:07,100 I don't want us to get to the point... 849 00:59:07,500 --> 00:59:10,700 ...where we can't make love unless there's a concierge downstairs. 850 00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:15,500 I wanted to take three minutes to finish a letter to our children... 851 00:59:15,900 --> 00:59:17,200 ...who I haven't seen- 852 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,900 What's that supposed to mean? That I don't care about our children? 853 00:59:21,300 --> 00:59:23,400 If I finish the letter, I could be spontaneous. 854 00:59:23,700 --> 00:59:26,500 That's not spontaneous! That's making an appointment! 855 00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,400 I was in the mood for unscheduled affection... 856 00:59:29,700 --> 00:59:31,600 ...but sorry, we're home. I forgot... 857 00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:34,300 ...everything's gotta be on a schedule! 858 00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:38,500 You try raising children where everything's unscheduled... 859 00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:40,600 ...when everything's spontaneous! 860 00:59:40,900 --> 00:59:44,100 You know what? The kids need a little spontaneity too! 861 00:59:44,700 --> 00:59:46,300 I know that! 862 00:59:46,700 --> 00:59:50,800 I'm sick and tired of being the designated driver of this marriage! 863 00:59:51,300 --> 00:59:54,000 Nobody designated you! It's a role you gave yourself! 864 00:59:54,300 --> 00:59:56,400 Bullshit! You gave me that role! 865 00:59:56,700 --> 01:00:00,700 Because God forbid Ben should ever remember to cancel the newspapers... 866 01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:02,700 ...or put washer fluid in his car... 867 01:00:03,100 --> 01:00:05,800 ...or participate in disciplining his children... 868 01:00:06,100 --> 01:00:09,100 ...instead of flirting on the phone with your girlfriend! 869 01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:11,200 You're not bringing that up again! 870 01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,600 You're damn straight I'll bring it up again! 871 01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:15,700 I haven't spoken to her in six months! 872 01:00:16,100 --> 01:00:18,500 Not once have you seen it through my eyes! 873 01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:21,900 We don't have a pea under our mattress. You know what we have? 874 01:00:22,300 --> 01:00:23,400 A fucking watermelon! 875 01:00:23,700 --> 01:00:25,700 And you never wanna deal with it! 876 01:00:26,100 --> 01:00:27,700 Oh, fuck it! 877 01:00:28,300 --> 01:00:29,800 Jesus! 878 01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:39,100 Welcome home. 879 01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:48,600 Bye, Dad. 880 01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:51,000 Thanks. I love you. 881 01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:53,800 Bye, Mom. Buddy. 882 01:00:56,100 --> 01:00:57,400 Love you. 883 01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,100 See you guys in a month. 884 01:01:06,900 --> 01:01:08,200 Bye, you guys. 885 01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:10,600 Bye, Daddy. - Couple of weeks. 886 01:01:10,900 --> 01:01:12,800 - Watch your toes. - See you. 887 01:01:13,200 --> 01:01:14,500 Bye, kids. 888 01:01:30,500 --> 01:01:32,800 Do you think we should get one lawyer or two? 889 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:38,600 One. 890 01:01:40,300 --> 01:01:43,000 Maybe we can at least make this part... 891 01:01:45,700 --> 01:01:49,800 All I care about is that we make it as easy for the kids as possible. 892 01:01:50,900 --> 01:01:52,000 Yeah. 893 01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:58,800 You noticed the bathroom has the original tiling from the '20s. 894 01:01:59,300 --> 01:02:00,100 It's nice. 895 01:02:00,300 --> 01:02:03,500 You know, since you're a writer, I know you'd appreciate... 896 01:02:03,900 --> 01:02:06,300 ...that the sister of Bette Davis' chauffeur... 897 01:02:06,700 --> 01:02:09,800 ...once had Thanksgiving in the apartment next door. 898 01:02:10,500 --> 01:02:11,600 Really? 899 01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:15,000 Are there any other kids in this building? 900 01:02:15,300 --> 01:02:19,100 Oodles! Including, if I might add, the nephew of the actor... 901 01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:22,800 ...who jumped third into the fourth lifeboat on Titanic. 902 01:02:23,100 --> 01:02:25,700 Rent the film, you'll see. I'll introduce you. 903 01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:29,800 I'm showing it to another family today, but if you're interested... 904 01:02:30,300 --> 01:02:33,100 ...I can hold it for you, give your wife a look-see- 905 01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:34,400 I'm interested. 906 01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:38,500 Who wouldn't be? Look how the light from that window fills the room. 907 01:02:39,300 --> 01:02:41,000 When I showed this apartment... 908 01:02:41,300 --> 01:02:44,000 ...to the man who did the voice of Charlie the Tuna... 909 01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:47,900 ...he said, and I quote, "Wow," unquote. 910 01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,100 I think that says it all. 911 01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,400 First, you put olive oil... 912 01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:56,400 ...garlic and tofu. 913 01:02:56,800 --> 01:02:59,200 Saut� until garlic turn light brown. 914 01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:02,800 Make sure that your wok have a strong heat underneath it. 915 01:03:03,300 --> 01:03:06,200 Now take an egg and crack it to the hot oil. 916 01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:12,200 Make sure all the ingredients are cooked thoroughly. 917 01:03:13,700 --> 01:03:14,600 You okay? 918 01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:17,000 Yeah, I'm fine. 919 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:20,100 Now we add some Pad Thai noodle. 920 01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:25,600 I saw Deirdre up at Parents' Weekend, but I didn't see you. 921 01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:27,800 I went up the weekend before. 922 01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,000 You know, since the divorce... 923 01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:33,900 ...it's a lot easier for everyone if we come up at separate times. 924 01:03:34,500 --> 01:03:37,300 Kevin and I took a great hike up to that waterfall. 925 01:03:37,700 --> 01:03:39,200 You and Ben take that hike? 926 01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:41,700 Yeah, it was beautiful. 927 01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:45,000 Spice it up with some chili pepper. 928 01:03:45,300 --> 01:03:48,200 You know, spicy food make a better lover. 929 01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:50,700 The hotter you eat, the hotter you get. 930 01:03:52,300 --> 01:03:54,600 Well, the spicier the better for me. 931 01:03:56,300 --> 01:03:57,400 Rice vinegar. 932 01:04:01,700 --> 01:04:03,000 Does Ben like Thai food? 933 01:04:03,300 --> 01:04:04,900 Yeah, yeah. 934 01:04:05,700 --> 01:04:07,200 You and Ben been to Tommy Tang's? 935 01:04:07,500 --> 01:04:08,800 Ben and I are di- 936 01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:10,700 Separated. 937 01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:13,800 Gee, I had no idea. 938 01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,300 We're not really telling people. 939 01:04:16,700 --> 01:04:18,400 I understand. 940 01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:21,200 I'm so sorry. How long? 941 01:04:22,300 --> 01:04:26,100 72 hours, four weeks, five years... 942 01:04:26,500 --> 01:04:28,700 ...depending on when you start counting. 943 01:04:29,100 --> 01:04:32,100 I'm really sorry. I know how hard it can be. 944 01:04:35,300 --> 01:04:36,800 This will sound crazy... 945 01:04:37,100 --> 01:04:40,400 ...but I always enjoyed Erin and Josh's appointments... 946 01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:43,600 ...because it gave me a chance to get to know you. 947 01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:46,900 But when you called me about your bite... 948 01:04:47,300 --> 01:04:51,600 ...I felt myself looking forward to it because I knew we'd be alone. 949 01:04:53,100 --> 01:04:56,000 And just tell me if it's too soon... 950 01:04:56,900 --> 01:05:00,200 ...but I wondered if maybe you wanted to have dinner sometime? 951 01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:04,100 We are having dinner. 952 01:05:06,100 --> 01:05:09,400 I was thinking of something that didn't involve a teacher. 953 01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,100 You always hear people say... 954 01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,600 ...they stayed too long in a bad marriage. 955 01:05:17,900 --> 01:05:21,500 For the longest time, I never thought of my marriage as being bad. 956 01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:25,500 I thought love was something you were allowed to fall in and out of. 957 01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:27,600 You know, peaks and valleys. 958 01:05:28,300 --> 01:05:29,900 But after a while... 959 01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:33,200 ...the peaks get lower and further apart. 960 01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:37,300 Then one day you find yourself wondering, "Is this who I really am? 961 01:05:37,800 --> 01:05:41,000 Someone who has taken up permanent residence in the valley? 962 01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:45,000 Or is this just who I am with this person?" 963 01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:49,000 And then, you ask yourself: 964 01:05:49,300 --> 01:05:52,700 "Maybe there is another version of my life, of myself... 965 01:05:53,100 --> 01:05:55,200 ...that's a happier one." 966 01:06:12,600 --> 01:06:13,900 Bullshit. 967 01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:18,800 "Yossel looked into Minnie's eyes and felt... 968 01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:21,800 ...nothing. 969 01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:26,200 For two years they'd been apart. 970 01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:29,900 And now, as she stepped off the boat... 971 01:06:30,300 --> 01:06:33,200 ...he realized he was looking into the eyes... 972 01:06:34,700 --> 01:06:36,200 ...of a stranger. 973 01:06:38,300 --> 01:06:40,600 A girl he no longer knew. 974 01:06:41,300 --> 01:06:44,600 He had become an American. 975 01:06:45,500 --> 01:06:50,100 And she was still the poor... 976 01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:55,300 ...unaffectionate... 977 01:06:56,200 --> 01:06:57,600 ...daughter... 978 01:06:59,500 --> 01:07:02,700 ...of a blind Lithuanian violin maker." 979 01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:07,800 It was all about fear. Fear's what kept them together. 980 01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:11,400 This whole time I've idealized my grandparents' marriage. 981 01:07:11,900 --> 01:07:14,300 But this was not the love of the ages. 982 01:07:14,700 --> 01:07:17,600 The two stayed together because they were terrified. 983 01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:21,000 Fear of loneliness, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. 984 01:07:21,500 --> 01:07:24,800 Sure, fear. That's the main motivator for everything. 985 01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:28,500 That and guilt are the two emotions that keep a society humming. 986 01:07:28,900 --> 01:07:31,100 You and Rachel stay together because of fear? 987 01:07:31,500 --> 01:07:33,200 - In a word, yes. - You're okay with that? 988 01:07:33,500 --> 01:07:35,600 In three words, yes and no. 989 01:07:36,300 --> 01:07:40,000 See, it's not that simple. You're looking for clear-cut answers. 990 01:07:40,300 --> 01:07:43,600 In reality, there's nothing clear-cut. Life is not clear-cut. 991 01:07:44,000 --> 01:07:45,900 Life is gray. 992 01:07:46,300 --> 01:07:47,600 For instance: 993 01:07:49,400 --> 01:07:51,100 What do you see right here? 994 01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:56,300 - What are you asking me? - I'm asking you, what do you see? 995 01:07:56,700 --> 01:07:58,200 I see your ass. 996 01:07:58,700 --> 01:08:02,700 That's what you think you see. But in reality, there is no ass. 997 01:08:04,500 --> 01:08:07,200 What the f-? What are you telling me? 998 01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:12,100 There is no ass, just the fatty part at the top of each leg... 999 01:08:12,500 --> 01:08:14,800 ...that is butted up against each other. 1000 01:08:15,300 --> 01:08:16,700 Hence the word "butt." 1001 01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:18,600 See, essentially... 1002 01:08:19,000 --> 01:08:22,500 ...what we're dealing with here is just a continuation of the leg. 1003 01:08:22,900 --> 01:08:24,900 Okay, all right, now you lost me. 1004 01:08:25,900 --> 01:08:29,400 It's all illusions. There is no such thing as an ass. 1005 01:08:29,900 --> 01:08:34,000 Just like there's no such thing as the perfect marriage, job or child. 1006 01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:38,400 The whole notion of staying together and living happily ever after... 1007 01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:40,100 ...all illusions. 1008 01:08:40,500 --> 01:08:43,100 You're saying you don't believe in everlasting love? 1009 01:08:44,500 --> 01:08:48,000 You're seeing the ass again and not the tops of the legs. 1010 01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:52,500 Love is just lust in disguise. And lust fades. 1011 01:08:52,900 --> 01:08:56,300 So you damn well better be with someone who can stand you. 1012 01:08:56,800 --> 01:09:00,300 Katie and I have moved way past being able to stand each other. 1013 01:09:00,700 --> 01:09:02,600 We've moved right into the hatred part. 1014 01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:05,700 I wouldn't worry about it. Hate fades. 1015 01:09:06,900 --> 01:09:08,400 Hate fades? 1016 01:09:10,700 --> 01:09:14,600 That's what you're gonna send me out into the world with? 1017 01:09:15,100 --> 01:09:18,600 "Hate fades. Love is lust. There is no ass." 1018 01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:22,600 What a disappointment you've turned out to be. 1019 01:09:25,700 --> 01:09:27,400 Just promise me one thing. 1020 01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:31,400 Please promise me that you will not say any of this to Rachel. 1021 01:09:31,900 --> 01:09:34,500 Are you crazy? This conversation ends here. 1022 01:09:35,100 --> 01:09:37,600 When Stan called me, I couldn't believe it. 1023 01:09:37,900 --> 01:09:39,900 I knew it was rough for you guys- 1024 01:09:40,200 --> 01:09:43,100 We didn't wanna say until we knew we weren't getting back together. 1025 01:09:43,500 --> 01:09:45,000 Oh, my God. 1026 01:09:45,700 --> 01:09:46,900 Wow! 1027 01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:48,700 How are you doing? 1028 01:09:49,100 --> 01:09:51,800 I don't know. I thought I'd be devastated. 1029 01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:54,500 Maybe it just hasn't hit me. 1030 01:09:57,000 --> 01:10:00,300 - You're having an affair. - What are you talking about? 1031 01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:03,400 You're only not devastated if you're seeing someone else. 1032 01:10:03,700 --> 01:10:05,200 I'm not seeing someone else. 1033 01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:07,500 Are you serious about who you're not seeing? 1034 01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:10,000 I don't know. I know he's nothing like Ben. 1035 01:10:10,400 --> 01:10:13,200 He's responsible, plans ahead, has a Swiss Army knife. 1036 01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,100 He even wants to cook me dinner. 1037 01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:16,900 - He's a sandbag. - A what? 1038 01:10:17,300 --> 01:10:19,600 He's just a sandbag against the storm... 1039 01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,800 ...holding off the inevitable devastation. 1040 01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:27,300 Rachel, you okay? 1041 01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:31,400 Honey? 1042 01:10:33,900 --> 01:10:35,200 I'm sorry. 1043 01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:39,900 I know I'm supposed to be the one holding your hand... 1044 01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:42,300 ...but I just feel terrible. 1045 01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:46,200 I mean, the thought of you guys not being together... 1046 01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:47,900 You're our best friends. 1047 01:10:48,700 --> 01:10:52,300 Fourth of Julys and Thanksgivings and Christmases. 1048 01:10:53,100 --> 01:10:55,700 You guys were our Fred and Ethel Mertz. 1049 01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:59,100 We thought you guys were our Fred and Ethel Mertz. 1050 01:11:00,300 --> 01:11:01,600 Really? 1051 01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:05,900 I never thought this was going to happen to me and Ben. 1052 01:11:06,300 --> 01:11:09,800 I thought we were going to be the ones to go the distance. 1053 01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:14,700 But I just couldn't seem to get him to put down that purple crayon. 1054 01:11:15,900 --> 01:11:19,800 But that's Ben. That's who you fell in love with. 1055 01:11:20,100 --> 01:11:22,900 Katie, you are at 80 who you are at 8. 1056 01:11:23,300 --> 01:11:25,700 People don't change! 1057 01:11:26,300 --> 01:11:29,300 People change over time. You've got to expect that. 1058 01:11:29,600 --> 01:11:34,400 The only way a relationship works is if people grow and change together. 1059 01:11:35,900 --> 01:11:37,700 Mr. and Mrs. Cogen, Mr. Jordan. 1060 01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:42,100 Nice to have you tonight. Is Mrs. Jordan not joining us this evening? 1061 01:11:42,500 --> 01:11:46,200 No, she's not. Stan, I told you to make the reservation for three! 1062 01:11:46,700 --> 01:11:48,800 - I forgot. - How could you forget that? 1063 01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:51,600 Say it louder. The guy in the lot didn't hear you. 1064 01:11:51,900 --> 01:11:53,500 It wasn't that loud. 1065 01:12:00,300 --> 01:12:02,400 Did you see Sunday's 7 down? 1066 01:12:02,700 --> 01:12:04,800 - I missed that one. - Five-letter word. 1067 01:12:05,300 --> 01:12:07,400 "Wants, requirements." 1068 01:12:08,000 --> 01:12:09,600 Rhymes with weeds. 1069 01:12:10,100 --> 01:12:11,000 "Needs"? 1070 01:12:11,300 --> 01:12:13,900 Exactly. It was a direct attack on me. 1071 01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:16,000 Come on. You're being silly. 1072 01:12:16,300 --> 01:12:18,500 It was just a clue in a crossword puzzle. 1073 01:12:19,100 --> 01:12:22,900 I know my wife. She was specifically attacking me. 1074 01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:24,600 And for what? 1075 01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:26,600 For having needs. 1076 01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,500 Like having needs is some terrible thing. 1077 01:12:30,100 --> 01:12:33,000 Show me one person that doesn't have needs. 1078 01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:38,600 Try this bread dipped in the olive oil. It's delicious. 1079 01:12:39,100 --> 01:12:40,500 Stan, give Ben the bread! 1080 01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:41,800 Why must you yell? 1081 01:12:42,200 --> 01:12:43,400 - Who yelled? - You. 1082 01:12:43,700 --> 01:12:44,500 That's not a yell. 1083 01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:47,000 He hears everything as a yell. 1084 01:12:47,400 --> 01:12:49,500 On anyone's yell-o-meter, that was a yell. 1085 01:12:49,900 --> 01:12:52,000 Was that a yell? He didn't hear it as a yell. 1086 01:12:52,300 --> 01:12:54,300 His mom was a yeller. He still hears her. 1087 01:12:54,700 --> 01:12:57,100 How could I hear her? You drown her out. 1088 01:12:57,500 --> 01:12:58,400 It's true. 1089 01:12:58,700 --> 01:13:01,000 The last few years, when Katie opened her mouth... 1090 01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:03,100 ...all I'd hear was her mother. 1091 01:13:04,100 --> 01:13:05,000 Dot. 1092 01:13:05,900 --> 01:13:10,300 It wasn't easy for Katie to be raised by a woman as complicated as Dot. 1093 01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:12,600 Please, she wasn't complicated. 1094 01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:16,600 She was an idiot who made everyone else's life complicated. 1095 01:13:16,900 --> 01:13:20,100 You wouldn't believe the beautiful, psychological heirlooms... 1096 01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:22,600 ...this snapping turtle handed down. 1097 01:13:23,100 --> 01:13:25,400 Everything's gotta be in a neat little box... 1098 01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:28,000 ...with a little blue bow on it. 1099 01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:29,700 Punctual. 1100 01:13:29,900 --> 01:13:31,100 Ordered. 1101 01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:34,500 God forbid anything unexpected should happen... 1102 01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:38,000 ...any perchances, happenstances... 1103 01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:41,100 ...left turns, serendipities! 1104 01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:43,900 Nope, no way! Not allowed! 1105 01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:46,500 Out-of-bounds! Foul ball! 1106 01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:50,700 15-yard penalty! Too much time being spontaneous! 1107 01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:54,200 Everything's gotta be connected. Gotta connect the dots. 1108 01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:56,600 Maybe that's why they call her Dot. 1109 01:13:56,900 --> 01:14:00,300 You notice that her name wasn't Gay or Joy or Fun! 1110 01:14:00,700 --> 01:14:01,900 Try the bread- 1111 01:14:02,200 --> 01:14:04,700 You can't even fuck unless everything's just right! 1112 01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:09,500 Like a plane waiting for takeoff. Windows shut? Check. 1113 01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:13,400 Doors locked? Check! Heat on? Check! 1114 01:14:13,700 --> 01:14:16,400 Have we covered every possible, single reason... 1115 01:14:16,900 --> 01:14:18,400 ...why everything is my fault?! 1116 01:14:18,700 --> 01:14:23,000 Houston, we got a problem and her name is Dot! 1117 01:14:23,400 --> 01:14:26,200 - Ben, bread. - There are people like Katie and Dot... 1118 01:14:26,700 --> 01:14:29,200 ...who color inside the lines, and people like you... 1119 01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:32,600 ...who wander outside. That can be a very endearing quality. 1120 01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:36,100 That's why Katie fell in love with you. Once you have kids- 1121 01:14:36,600 --> 01:14:38,200 I am not a third child! 1122 01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:41,100 Excuse me if my watch has no hands on it. 1123 01:14:41,500 --> 01:14:45,000 That's fine. It's just somebody has to establish the routine- 1124 01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:47,600 Are you saying it's all my fault?! 1125 01:14:48,800 --> 01:14:50,200 It's nobody's fault! 1126 01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:53,400 When people say it's nobody's fault, they don't mean that. 1127 01:14:53,900 --> 01:14:57,200 They mean it's your fault! The nobody's fault things are... 1128 01:14:57,500 --> 01:15:01,000 ...hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, acts of God! 1129 01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:05,100 But when a marriage fails, it's gotta be somebody's fault! 1130 01:15:05,500 --> 01:15:06,700 And it's not mine! 1131 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:11,300 Take that fucking bread and shove it up the tops of your legs! 1132 01:15:54,600 --> 01:15:58,600 Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing with 5000 things all day long! 1133 01:15:59,100 --> 01:16:01,600 Maybe every need you have doesn't have to be met... 1134 01:16:01,900 --> 01:16:04,100 ...at the exact moment you need it to be met! 1135 01:16:04,400 --> 01:16:08,000 I'm sick and tired of being the designated driver of this marriage! 1136 01:16:08,300 --> 01:16:11,100 Nobody designated you! It's a role you gave yourself! 1137 01:16:11,500 --> 01:16:14,300 Not once have you seen it through my eyes! 1138 01:16:14,700 --> 01:16:18,000 We don't have a pea under our mattress. You know what we have? 1139 01:16:18,300 --> 01:16:20,500 A fucking watermelon! 1140 01:16:30,800 --> 01:16:32,100 You okay? 1141 01:16:34,100 --> 01:16:35,800 Take me to Katie's. 1142 01:16:39,700 --> 01:16:40,400 Ben! 1143 01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:42,300 What are you doing here? 1144 01:16:43,100 --> 01:16:45,400 I wanted to know what your high was today. 1145 01:16:47,200 --> 01:16:49,200 You should've called. 1146 01:16:49,900 --> 01:16:51,700 My high was about you. 1147 01:16:54,900 --> 01:16:57,600 Tonight I saw myself through your eyes. 1148 01:16:59,700 --> 01:17:00,800 Ben... 1149 01:17:02,800 --> 01:17:04,000 And I'm sorry. 1150 01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:05,900 It might be a nice touch... 1151 01:17:06,200 --> 01:17:09,300 ...if you add some roasted peanuts to the sesame- 1152 01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:10,800 I'm... 1153 01:17:15,700 --> 01:17:18,700 At some point we should discuss how to tell the children. 1154 01:17:50,800 --> 01:17:52,700 How you doing? Come on in. 1155 01:17:54,000 --> 01:17:55,300 This is nice. 1156 01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:56,500 Thanks. 1157 01:17:56,800 --> 01:17:59,700 It's close to the park. The kids and I can walk. 1158 01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:02,000 You want something to drink? 1159 01:18:02,400 --> 01:18:05,100 I'll take water if you don't have anything else. 1160 01:18:07,900 --> 01:18:09,800 We have pretty much anything you want. 1161 01:18:10,100 --> 01:18:11,900 Beer, Gatorade... 1162 01:18:12,200 --> 01:18:14,300 ...fruit juice, iced tea. 1163 01:18:14,600 --> 01:18:16,200 Iced tea is fine. 1164 01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:24,700 Here you go. 1165 01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:26,800 You have a watch. 1166 01:18:27,400 --> 01:18:28,300 Yeah. 1167 01:18:29,300 --> 01:18:30,500 Come on in. 1168 01:18:32,800 --> 01:18:34,100 Sit down here. 1169 01:18:44,200 --> 01:18:46,100 I think we should... 1170 01:18:48,200 --> 01:18:52,300 When we pick the kids up Thursday, we should just tell them that night. 1171 01:18:53,600 --> 01:18:56,400 We don't have to tell them right away. 1172 01:18:56,700 --> 01:18:57,800 Why? 1173 01:18:58,300 --> 01:19:00,600 What will change between now and Thursday? 1174 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,000 Katie, you're seeing someone else. 1175 01:19:05,300 --> 01:19:07,500 I'm not seeing him. 1176 01:19:07,800 --> 01:19:09,600 We're just talking. 1177 01:19:11,600 --> 01:19:12,600 Right. 1178 01:19:16,200 --> 01:19:19,600 I won't put up with any more of this bullshit lying to the kids. 1179 01:19:20,100 --> 01:19:23,600 We take them to Chow Fun's, their favorite restaurant, to tell them. 1180 01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:26,600 We can't really talk at Chow Fun's. 1181 01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:29,200 We'll go to the house and tell them at dinner. 1182 01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:30,500 After dinner. 1183 01:19:30,700 --> 01:19:33,200 We'll all sit down and... 1184 01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:36,000 Jesus, how do we say this? 1185 01:19:39,500 --> 01:19:43,300 We'll just tell them how much we love them... 1186 01:19:44,300 --> 01:19:46,500 ...how amazing and beautiful they are... 1187 01:19:46,800 --> 01:19:49,800 ...so they don't think that any of this is their fault. 1188 01:19:50,100 --> 01:19:52,000 That's the important thing. 1189 01:19:53,700 --> 01:19:55,400 We'll just say that... 1190 01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:57,700 ...Mommy and Daddy... 1191 01:19:59,400 --> 01:20:01,500 ...or Mom and Dad... 1192 01:20:02,300 --> 01:20:03,500 You think Mom and Dad? 1193 01:20:03,900 --> 01:20:05,000 Mommy and Daddy. 1194 01:20:07,200 --> 01:20:09,800 We'll say that Mommy and Daddy have grown apart. 1195 01:20:10,600 --> 01:20:14,200 I was just thinking about Erin. She'll probably say something like: 1196 01:20:14,500 --> 01:20:18,100 "Well, there must be something right about you guys... 1197 01:20:18,500 --> 01:20:22,400 ...for you to produce such beautiful and amazing kids." 1198 01:20:26,300 --> 01:20:28,800 She might say something like that, you know? 1199 01:20:37,900 --> 01:20:40,200 We'll just tell her that they were... 1200 01:20:41,600 --> 01:20:43,700 ...born in love and we'll always love them... 1201 01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:46,600 ...but Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore. 1202 01:20:48,700 --> 01:20:52,500 Well, wouldn't it be better if we told them... 1203 01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:58,800 ...we still love each other, but in a different way? 1204 01:21:00,900 --> 01:21:01,900 Fine. 1205 01:21:03,300 --> 01:21:05,900 - We shouldn't say that? - I said it was fine. 1206 01:21:06,900 --> 01:21:09,700 Well, it was kind of a weird "fine." 1207 01:21:11,000 --> 01:21:15,300 Should I be thrilled about how we love each other in a different way? 1208 01:21:26,900 --> 01:21:29,500 Who is it? Your couch is here. 1209 01:21:29,800 --> 01:21:32,700 Where have you guys been? Come on in. 1210 01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:37,100 They were supposed to be here first thing this morning. 1211 01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:46,100 I'll pick you up at 5:00 on Thursday? 1212 01:22:00,500 --> 01:22:01,800 So is there... 1213 01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:04,900 ...anything else we need to talk about? 1214 01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:06,400 Like what? 1215 01:22:09,700 --> 01:22:10,700 Nothing. 1216 01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:15,100 Bye. 1217 01:22:36,700 --> 01:22:38,000 What happened to you? 1218 01:22:38,400 --> 01:22:41,300 What happened to that fun girl with the pith helmet? 1219 01:22:41,700 --> 01:22:45,500 You don't think I ask myself that every day? 1220 01:22:46,000 --> 01:22:47,600 I'm talking about a connection! 1221 01:22:48,000 --> 01:22:52,100 A look! Something that says that we're on the same side here! 1222 01:22:53,200 --> 01:22:55,700 Isn't this the moment where one of us says: 1223 01:22:56,000 --> 01:22:58,000 "This is ridiculous. We love each other. 1224 01:22:58,300 --> 01:23:01,300 All couples go through this. Let's give it another try"? 1225 01:23:14,600 --> 01:23:16,500 It was supposed to rain today. 1226 01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:19,300 Glad it didn't. 1227 01:23:20,800 --> 01:23:21,900 Me too. 1228 01:23:26,400 --> 01:23:28,500 Turn here. If you take Sepulveda... 1229 01:23:31,300 --> 01:23:32,200 What? 1230 01:23:33,700 --> 01:23:34,800 Nothing. 1231 01:23:48,400 --> 01:23:50,800 Do you, Katie, take Ben... 1232 01:23:51,100 --> 01:23:52,900 ...to have and to hold... 1233 01:23:53,300 --> 01:23:55,300 ...in sickness and in health... 1234 01:23:55,600 --> 01:23:57,500 ...for better or for worse... 1235 01:23:58,000 --> 01:24:00,600 - ... till death do you part? - I do. 1236 01:24:04,200 --> 01:24:05,900 It's a boy. It's a girl. 1237 01:24:06,200 --> 01:24:07,000 It's a bunny! 1238 01:24:07,400 --> 01:24:08,600 It's a home run! 1239 01:24:08,900 --> 01:24:10,100 It's chickenpox. 1240 01:24:10,400 --> 01:24:11,200 It's over. 1241 01:24:11,400 --> 01:24:12,600 I love you. 1242 01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:13,800 Damn you! 1243 01:24:14,000 --> 01:24:14,800 I love you. 1244 01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:16,600 Damn it! 1245 01:24:17,000 --> 01:24:17,800 I love you. 1246 01:24:18,100 --> 01:24:19,700 I love you. I love you. I love you. 1247 01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:21,300 I hate you! 1248 01:24:21,600 --> 01:24:23,300 Fuck me. Fuck me. 1249 01:24:23,700 --> 01:24:24,500 Fuck you! 1250 01:24:28,100 --> 01:24:29,100 I love you. 1251 01:24:29,500 --> 01:24:30,300 I'm pregnant. 1252 01:24:30,600 --> 01:24:31,700 My goldfish died. 1253 01:24:32,100 --> 01:24:33,000 My hamster died. 1254 01:24:33,300 --> 01:24:34,100 My father's dying. 1255 01:24:34,400 --> 01:24:35,600 I'm pregnant. 1256 01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:57,600 Maybe we should separate. 1257 01:25:37,300 --> 01:25:39,200 Mom! Dad! 1258 01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:40,800 - You ready? - Yeah. 1259 01:25:45,700 --> 01:25:47,900 What's up? It's good to see you. 1260 01:25:48,300 --> 01:25:49,600 How you doing? 1261 01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:52,000 What's the matter? 1262 01:25:52,600 --> 01:25:54,700 She just missed you, that's all. 1263 01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:57,400 You've both just grown so big. 1264 01:25:57,800 --> 01:26:00,300 Look at you guys. I hardly recognize you. Wait. 1265 01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:02,400 Which one is Erin? 1266 01:26:03,400 --> 01:26:04,900 Check it out, Dad. 1267 01:26:05,600 --> 01:26:09,200 I guess we know what your high is today."Best All-Around Camper." 1268 01:26:09,700 --> 01:26:11,000 Congratulations. Look. 1269 01:26:11,300 --> 01:26:14,400 I guess this calls for a celebration! Come on! Riverdance! 1270 01:26:15,200 --> 01:26:17,600 I'm the best all-around Riverdancer 1271 01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:21,100 Come on. Kind of like a little Latin loopy-loo thing. 1272 01:26:22,100 --> 01:26:23,600 Go with the big finish! 1273 01:26:23,900 --> 01:26:25,600 - Dad! - Come on! What? 1274 01:26:25,900 --> 01:26:29,100 - I have to see these kids next summer. - Come on, we're hungry. 1275 01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:32,000 Okay. All right. 1276 01:26:33,400 --> 01:26:34,600 Okay. 1277 01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:38,700 Let's go home. 1278 01:26:51,700 --> 01:26:53,900 I think we should go to Chow Fun's. 1279 01:27:02,500 --> 01:27:03,900 Chow Fun's? 1280 01:27:06,300 --> 01:27:08,800 We agreed that we couldn't talk at Chow Fun's. 1281 01:27:09,400 --> 01:27:10,600 I know. 1282 01:27:12,500 --> 01:27:13,600 What are you saying? 1283 01:27:14,100 --> 01:27:15,900 I'm saying Chow Fun's. 1284 01:27:20,400 --> 01:27:23,300 Are you saying Chow Fun's because you can't face telling them? 1285 01:27:23,600 --> 01:27:26,000 If that's why, don't say Chow Fun's. 1286 01:27:26,400 --> 01:27:30,500 That's not why. I'm saying Chow Fun's because we're an "us." 1287 01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,100 There's a history here... 1288 01:27:34,400 --> 01:27:37,100 ...and histories don't happen overnight. 1289 01:27:38,100 --> 01:27:39,900 In Mesopotamia or ancient Troy... 1290 01:27:40,200 --> 01:27:43,900 ...or somewhere, there are cities built on top of other cities... 1291 01:27:44,400 --> 01:27:47,400 ...but I don't wanna build another city. I like this city. 1292 01:27:47,800 --> 01:27:49,400 I know where we keep the Bactine... 1293 01:27:49,800 --> 01:27:52,900 ...and what mood you're in by which eyebrow is higher. 1294 01:27:53,300 --> 01:27:57,800 You always know that I'm quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly. 1295 01:27:58,200 --> 01:28:00,800 That's a dance you perfect over time. 1296 01:28:01,100 --> 01:28:03,900 And it's much harder than I thought it would be... 1297 01:28:04,300 --> 01:28:08,300 ...but there's more good than bad. And you don't just give up! 1298 01:28:08,800 --> 01:28:11,300 And it's not for the sake of the children. 1299 01:28:11,600 --> 01:28:13,600 But they're great kids, aren't they? 1300 01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:16,400 And we made them! I mean, think about that. 1301 01:28:16,700 --> 01:28:19,700 There were no people there, and then there were people. 1302 01:28:20,000 --> 01:28:21,300 And then they grew. 1303 01:28:22,100 --> 01:28:25,700 I won't be able to say to some stranger, "Josh has your hands"... 1304 01:28:26,200 --> 01:28:29,600 ...or "Remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial?" 1305 01:28:30,000 --> 01:28:32,700 And I'll try to relax. 1306 01:28:34,000 --> 01:28:37,700 Let's face it, anybody will have traits that get on your nerves. 1307 01:28:38,200 --> 01:28:41,900 Why shouldn't it be your annoying traits? I'm no day at the beach. 1308 01:28:42,300 --> 01:28:45,700 But I do have a good sense of direction, so I can find the beach. 1309 01:28:46,100 --> 01:28:48,400 Which is not a criticism of yours... 1310 01:28:49,700 --> 01:28:51,600 ...it's just a strength of mine. 1311 01:28:51,900 --> 01:28:56,600 God, you're a good friend. And good friends are hard to find. 1312 01:28:58,100 --> 01:29:00,300 Charlotte said that in Charlotte's Web. 1313 01:29:00,700 --> 01:29:02,600 I love the way you read that to Erin. 1314 01:29:03,000 --> 01:29:05,800 You take on the voice of Wilbur with such commitment... 1315 01:29:06,200 --> 01:29:07,800 ...even when you're bone tired. 1316 01:29:08,200 --> 01:29:12,000 That speaks volumes about character. And ultimately... 1317 01:29:12,700 --> 01:29:15,900 ...isn't that what it comes down to? What a person's made of? 1318 01:29:16,400 --> 01:29:19,600 Because that girl in the pith helmet... 1319 01:29:20,000 --> 01:29:21,600 ...is still in here. 1320 01:29:25,000 --> 01:29:28,000 I didn't even know she existed until I met you. 1321 01:29:28,400 --> 01:29:30,500 And I'm afraid if you leave... 1322 01:29:31,400 --> 01:29:33,200 ...I may never see her again. 1323 01:29:33,500 --> 01:29:37,100 Even though I said you beat her out of me. Isn't that the paradox? 1324 01:29:37,600 --> 01:29:40,900 Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull. 1325 01:29:41,200 --> 01:29:44,000 The best of times, the worst of times. Dickens said it best. 1326 01:29:44,500 --> 01:29:48,100 The Jack Sprat of it. He could eat no fat. His wife could eat no lean. 1327 01:29:48,500 --> 01:29:52,500 But that doesn't apply here, does it? I guess what I'm trying to say is... 1328 01:29:54,300 --> 01:29:56,600 ...I'm saying Chow Fun's because... 1329 01:29:57,300 --> 01:29:58,800 ...I love you. 1330 01:30:08,200 --> 01:30:09,400 I love you too. 1331 01:30:17,500 --> 01:30:19,100 Did you hear that, kids? 1332 01:30:19,400 --> 01:30:21,900 Your mom wants to go to Chow Fun's! 1333 01:30:23,100 --> 01:30:25,700 Isn't that great? I love Chow Fun's! 1334 01:30:26,200 --> 01:30:28,500 The egg rolls are good, but not that good. 1335 01:30:28,900 --> 01:30:30,700 The egg rolls are fantastic! 1336 01:30:31,000 --> 01:30:33,200 They're warm, crispy, greasy as all hell. 1337 01:30:33,500 --> 01:30:36,000 - Everything you want in an egg roll! - Exactly! 1338 01:30:36,400 --> 01:30:37,800 High/Low. Erin, you first. 1339 01:30:38,200 --> 01:30:41,000 My high for the summer is, Austin wrote me 111 times. 1340 01:30:41,400 --> 01:30:43,600 How did you come up with High/Low anyway? 1341 01:30:43,900 --> 01:30:46,400 I don't know. But I've got another game. 1342 01:30:46,800 --> 01:30:49,300 I'm thinking of seven words. What are they? 1343 01:30:50,000 --> 01:30:51,500 - Do I get a hint? - No. 1344 01:30:51,900 --> 01:30:52,700 - A category? - No. 1345 01:30:53,000 --> 01:30:56,000 - Any seven words in English. - That's right. 1346 01:30:56,300 --> 01:30:57,500 Fair enough. 1347 01:30:58,500 --> 01:31:01,200 "MacArthur Park is melting in the dark." 1348 01:31:01,600 --> 01:31:03,100 - No? - No. 1349 01:31:04,800 --> 01:31:07,700 "And they lived happily ever after." 1350 01:31:08,600 --> 01:31:11,100 That's six words, but you're very close. 1351 01:31:12,500 --> 01:31:15,600 "And they lived mostly happily ever after"? 1352 01:31:16,500 --> 01:31:17,900 I hope so. 1353 01:31:18,700 --> 01:31:20,200 I think so. 1354 01:31:22,200 --> 01:31:23,400 Think so? 1355 01:31:23,900 --> 01:31:25,000 I do. 1356 01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:27,700 I do... 1357 01:31:28,300 --> 01:31:29,300 ...too.